Dating Savant- Q & A advice for women; click above
Jul 20
My advice and Julia’s can be found in the Q & A section, at the top of the site. So, click and learn what savvy, seasoned women can tell you in a way that just might open your eyes and help you out. The truth is so obvious it is often overlooked. Again and again. It’s a shame and painful to see so many otherwise intelligent women stumble into a brick wall, mentally and emotionally, when it comes to relationships. Dating Savant was created because we believe it is one’s duty to one’s self to see clearly! Click on Q & A to the right, under Christine wisdom.
Add a comment. Ask for advice. What Women Weave Q & A.
Hi Christine, I’m curious to read your take on Bi-racial dating.
That’s easy. Whatever gets you out there! Finding a friend and lover who cares about you, shares interests, is honest, intelligent, funny and kind-those are the aspects which count. The color of one’s skin shouldn’t dictate, when choosing a mate or a date.
Perhaps you ask me because of the fact that I’m in the deep gothic South, or b/c I’m old enough to remember segregation? I was reared in a very racist society. I grew through that into a broader deeper understanding of humans and the human condition. I formulated my own beliefs. Through travel and living in different parts of the world I gained new perspective and understanding. This greater sophistication juxtaposed to the narrow minded hypocrisy of crumbling traditions allowed me to transcend any remnants of racism with which I was raised.
My take on bi-racial dating is that everyone should, in an ideal society, be free to date whomever they wish regardless of race, gender, political vantage point, religion or diet (vegan vs. carnivore)!
Thanks for asking, Richard!
Bi-racial dating? Go for it! We are not our skin color. We are all members of the human race. Serious relationships between people with fundamental cultural or value differences is another thing completely. Although, cultural blending can be exciting and life enhancing too. Eyes wide open with forward planning if these issues come into play!
Good points, Carmen. Preparation through communication, in advance, is an excellent idea in relationships, in general. And value differences can be as basic as one person valuing their free time more than their spouse’s free time. This often comes up with child care; plenty of men think it is ok to play video games instead of changing and feeding a baby. They assume the mother will handle it all. Perhaps, (as Bill Cammack points out quite often in Dating Genius, http://www.billcammack.com) this willingness to lay all child rearing duties squarely on the mother’s shoulders is due to the fact that women were raised with ovens and baby dolls, and men weren’t.
Regardless of the origin of men and women’s expectations, communication before having children, to discuss roles and responsibilities, should be mandatory.
Of course, an assurance from the man before children arrive about his responsibilities is no guarantee of future performance. Especially if said man was trying to get a woman in bed when he said it! Eyes wide open AND a savvy understanding of men’s behavior is the ticket to not being duped about the what the future holds in a relationship.
Christine and Carmen, thank you for honesty and candor, I guess my question was more the
umbrella which covers many insights, conversations and questions.
I’m 50 years young, I have several Bi-racial family members, some I interact with, others, not as
much due to our living several states apart.
What I have seen as well as experienced is the uneasy feelings of the extended families.
Those who bypass the stereotypes and cross racial lines with “open eyes” I feel are better for the
experience.
But the children, (IMO) see and hear the evil and ugly things that Children of Black and White
parents,who [taught] them maybe unknowing they did so.
A agree, color should not make a difference, but the reality is, that it does!
especially on OUR children!
A Realfan
Dear Realfan,
You are welcome! Honesty and candor are the progenitors of this site. You brought up a very important issue which could be, actually, a touchstone for all of the glowing “race doesn’t matter” remarks on this thread thus far. What are the children told?
I could easily visualize one of these family gatherings, and what might be told to a child before the visiting relatives even exit their vehicle. I imagine in more cases than not, the children are told that how they were raised is the right way, possibly the only way, and to be polite BUT remember these are (insert race)***** people and we are *****.
I’m laughing right now because a memory popped up featuring me saying something stupid, not to children, but to other attendees at a gathering, right before the bi-racial doctor duo stepped across the veranda.
I was 25. I’d come back to my hometown and met this very cool couple who didn’t get out much with others, probably due to the bi-racial issue.
I said (this is really embarrassing to me right now) “Just act normal.”
Thank God for the Ph.D. in Philosophy’s retort. He looked at me over the rims of his glasses and inquired, “What is normal”?
So, I was being ultra cool, right, and of course there wasn’t a racist bone in my body, yet I felt compelled to make this statement! which is probably similar to what the parents you allude to say to their children before such meetings!
Thank you Richard for getting me out of the ivory tower of attitudes and beliefs, and back in the REAL with that memory of my own ignorance. Sometimes you have to shake it and turn it upside down to see what falls out, in order to know what it is, exactly, that you know!